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Tales From a 15 Minute City

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Wild feral Kelly Hanner has been tamed thanks to her time living in a 15 minute city

Coming back from a long hiatus.

Truth is, I’ve moved into a pilot program of a 15 minute city, funded by the WEF.

It’s actually quite nice.

As my alarm clock screeches in the morning, I slug out of bed in my 600sq foot studio apartment, wander to the kitchen where I prepare my grasshopper pancakes, I chest feed my crotch goblin, and set off for my new job through the bustling city of 2 million strangers confined to an area that it only takes 15 minutes to traverse.

As I set foot, I see a billboard suggesting I grab one of McDonald’s new pumpkin spice mealworm shakes, I decide I’ll get one during my 15 minute lunch break. I’m happy to eat bugs to save the environment.

At work, I sit next to a robot who outperforms me. I imagine my job will be cut soon, but I’m okay with this because I know the government will take care of me. I stop by McDonald’s for my mealworm shake & also get my 10th ɹǝʇsooq to protect me from the new cat scratch fever strain that’s going around. I don’t own a cat, but you can never be too safe.

After work, I decide to look up tickets to buy a flight to visit my in-laws but my husband said something on social media that got him pǝɹosuǝɔ so now the government has restricted our ability to travel. It’s no big deal though, I know they’re just protecting us.

When I get home from a long day of being comfortably numb, I turn the boob tube on to CNN. I love when my thinking is done for me. As I sit there, I discover a new group of people to hate as I channel my inner rage and secret disdain for what my life has become towards others.

As I lay down to bed, my thoughts hijacked by what I just watched, I can’t seem to drift off to sleep. An sleeping pill does the trick, even though I sleepwalk on it & have gained 100lbs due to sleep eating, it’s okay though cause the current culture celebrates it.

Life is good. I own nothing. I am happy.

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What do you think? Would you live in a 15 minute city? Would you want to be pod neighbors? Comment below.