One of life’s biggest quests is finding that perfect partner.
A soul mate.
A twin flame.
Someone to complete compliment you.
The one you’re going to grow old, senile, and cranky with. Rocking away in rockers on your front porch yelling at all those young whipper snappers to get the hell off your lawn.
After I got out of an almost 9 year relationship, I set out to make a list.
A MANifestation list that is.
What’s a MANifestation list you ask? It’s a list of all the positive traits one wants in a partner.
In the 9 years I was with my ex, I lost myself. I morphed into who he wanted me to be rather than date someone who was a compliment to me, and someone who wanted me to remain my independent true self.
In those 9 years with my ex I can count on one hand how many times I hung out with my girlfriends or my platonic guy friends (who he was jealous of). I LOVE live music, he hated concerts so I missed out on so many concerts during that time. He didn’t want me to experiment with mushrooms, so for 9 years my self exploration into the deep parts of my mind was put on hold. Tattoos weren’t encouraged either. I went from being a colorful young hippie, to a girl who wore black all the time, as if I was holding a funeral for my old self.
That being said, I know I was a lot to deal with too. I’m not trying to paint a picture of an absolutely horrible relationship, because it wasn’t… it’s just that we both weren’t allowing each other to be ourselves, to thrive as individuals, thus why our relationship was doomed from the start.
I knew going forward that I needed to go about this whole relationship thing differently, MUCH differently if I wanted to not fall into the same trap of trying to change for someone else, and vice versa.
So I hunkered down and came up with my MANifestation list. I jotted down all of the traits I wanted in my next partner, knowing that I needed to become the woman who would attract the man on my list. One can’t just ask for their future partner to be confident, stable, and happy if those are all things you yourself battle with. If you read my article How to Manifest Anything You Want in 6 Steps you’ll know that you gotta walk the walk and embody what it is you wish to attract.
On my list you could find things like:
Into plant medicine
Has a good relationship with an awesome family
Has a good sense of humor
Is secure in himself
Has blue eyes
Is taller than me
Allows me to be me
Doesn’t have a 9-5, is an entrepreneur
Doesn’t believe in the 2-party system
Into alternative music
Has a healthy diet
I kept revising that list too, I’d meet men and immediately size them up to it. If they didn’t contain at least 95% of the traits on that list, or bring even better traits than I had imagined to the table, they didn’t make the cut. I learned what I wanted and what I wanted nothing to do with and adjusted my list accordingly.
This allowed me to stop wasting my time on dudes see:fuck boys that shouldn’t even be on my radar.
Each man I dated, was just one step closer to the man from my list. Truthfully, I’m not just saying that to blow smoke up your ass or romanticize you. It’s true, every man I encountered was just slightly closer to being the man of my dreams.
So I stayed true, and sometimes I deviated along the way, but I kept holding out not wanting to waste my time with men who could be distracting me from MY MAN.
Too often we get hung up on some imitation crab meat partner material- we think “oh well the sex is good, I’ll never find a guy who likes to watch This is Us and screws me like this, so I’ll just ignore that he verbally abuses me and is so insecure he thinks I’m always on cheating on him.”
Why waste your time with a zero? Distracting yourself with a tool bag when you could be living it up single, while you grow, develop, all while having the time of your life knowing that as long as you are patient and find ways to enjoy your singledom, that eventually the partner you have dreamed up will walk into your life someday, someway.
Being single was one of the best stages of my life. I got to sleep all cockeyed in bed, fart whenever I wanted without excusing myself, have sleepovers with my girlfriends, and most importantly, I focused on becoming the best version of myself.
And what would you know. That man found me, in a tea room in south Florida, while he was sitting there helping his sister sell some jewelry. He saw my world map tattoo on my ribs, and stopped me to chat. Within that two minute conversation I learned he had traveled to Thailand (I JUST returned from traveling to Thailand). Before I left the tea room, he asked for my number. 😉
Almost 2 years into our relationship I am so thankful I created that list. He is damn near a 99% match to my list, not only that but he has traits that I didn’t even imagine I’d want on my list.
Because of this list and my patience, I have my tall, adventurous, well traveled, open minded, blue eyed entrepreneur, my kind generous man, who has an amazing family and a great relationship with them. We’ve traveled to 4 countries together, are building a business together and he encourages me to be my wild woman hippie self, supports my alpha female online outspokenness, and encourages me to remain independent and true to myself. My twin flame. Swoon.
You can have the partner of your dreams, you just have to get CLEAR on who that partner is and stop wasting time with placeholders and imitation crab meat partners.
If you are dating, looking to date, or questioning your relationship… create that list, so you KNOW what you want & deserve and so you can BE the woman who attracts that partner.
If you found this article useful, please share on pinterest or pass it along to your girlfriends. Do you have a MANifestation list? Did it help you find “the one?“