Hawaii Holistic Health magic mushrooms Plant Medicine

How Microdosing Mushrooms Helped My Depression & Improved My Confidence

Magic mushrooms, the next frontier.

Don’t get it twisted, these taste nothing like portobello mushrooms.

I was laying in a hammock, tripping balls at a large house party in the country. I was in high school, and I was doing what some high schoolers are sometimes inclined to do when they’re desperate to fit in… experiment with “drugs“. That’s when one of the popular girls came up to me, and started waving her hands in front of my face “ooooooh are you tripping, Kelly?” Not only was she being absolutely annoying, but she took my trip from enjoyable to downright awful. If I wouldn’t have been tripping I would have punched her.

Just kidding, I was chicken shit and intimidated by her, I wouldn’t have done a damn thing. 

It was from that moment on that I started to have a bad trip. As I lay in the hammock, I saw a T-Rex come at me from the trees above. As I retreated inside the house to an unoccupied bedroom, I wasn’t even safe there; the Goofy Movie was playing, and the next thing I know, I saw the characters in the movie huddle around, and start talking about me. Paranoia personified.

Thereafter I experimented here and there with mushrooms, but it wouldn’t be until after I got out of a 9 year relationship where doing mushrooms was frowned upon, that I could delve deeper into psychedelics and see first hand how much mushrooms could improve my life.

I moved down to South Florida at 28 years old, into a 650 sq ft studio apartment off an alley a mile off the beach. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t sharing living quarters with anyone else. I had my own space. My own little slice of serenity where I could walk around buck ass naked, dance around like a fool, or do whatever the hell I wanted without having to censor myself for anyone.

I decided to take full advantage of this new found space.

With this newfound independence, I ventured back down the psychonaut road by finding myself a reliable, safe source to get magic mushrooms through.

From mindlessly scrolling through the interwebs, I had stumbled upon articles discussing how people in Silicon Valley were microdosing (using such small amounts of mind expanding drugs, that the psychoactive, trippy effects these drugs are known for may not occur) drugs like acid and mushrooms to help them improve performance, focus, heighten creativity, and for therapeutic reasons. Not only that but new ground breaking research is sharing how mushroom use can help veterans with PTSD.

With that newfound knowledge I knew I had to go about mushrooms differently, if I wanted to have a safe, mind expanding experience, I couldn’t just randomly take them without taking into consideration the “set and setting“, how much I was taking, as well as my frame of mind.

What began next sparked my love affair with plant medicine.

I started taking mushrooms once every month, sometimes more, sometimes less… I just listened to my body, my intuition, and took them when I felt inclined, most the time journeying alone, exploring the inner depths of my mind without the hinderance of someone else.

I made a ceremony out of it.

It was an intentional experience. Instead of just mowing down on a handful of mushrooms, I was meticulous about my experience. I hippied the fuck out; gathering my crystals, I’d light incense, sage a small portion of mushrooms, and while contemplating on my intention for the experience, I would consider what it was I wanted to achieve by using this profound plant medicine.

Ready for blast off.

As someone who’s dealt with heavy bouts of anxiety and depression, as well as debilitating self consciousness and insecurities (which manifested as several different eating disorders in my lifetime) most of my intentions aimed at me becoming more content and happy with the body I have been given, and more comfortable with being myself.

After every.single.time. I did mushrooms, I had a profound sense of love and admiration not only for myself, but for mankind.

Unlike drinking, the next day after any of my ceremonies I felt clear headed, relaxed, calm, happy, and wanted nothing to do with my cell phone, and just wanted to be surrounded by nature. #slavetomyphone

It’s like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My confidence started to skyrocket, and while I had already started to become more confident in myself and diminish my depression and anxiety through a number of modalities including exercising, eating healthy, yoga, meditation, and personal development, microdosing with mushrooms skyrocketed my confidence even further while squashing my depression and anxiety even more.

The results of taking mushrooms were more life altering than ANY therapy I’ve ever participated in.

I had moments where I would sit in front of the large double mirror on my bedroom closet, completely naked, taking my body in. Stroking my arms, my soft belly, my ass and thighs, I reveled in my body, growing deep appreciation for it. Talking out loud to myself saying “what on earth have I been worried about, I am beautiful, I am perfect just the way I am.

For someone who suffered years with eating disorders this was a profound new level of self love and appreciation I had never felt before.

My deep psychonaut voyage continued as I traveled the Big Island of Hawaii for a month after my first solo trip to Thailand.

I had come to the Big Island to share a retreat hosted by Aya Papaya, with some of the top performers from my Network Marketing Business, when it didn’t quite end up as planned. I had expectations of it being a really beautiful, bonding experience when in actuality, I ended up at a cross roads with my business. During this trip, I learned that there was a strong disheartening disconnect between me and most the people I had paid to attend this retreat. As a leader within my industry, I prided myself on being able to teach others within the field how to attract like minded people to your business, but when I looked at the outcome of this retreat, I saw that the top leaders within my team were people I wanted nothing to do with with.

At this pivotal moment in my life, I stayed on the Big Island after the retreat was over, and spent half of the month of February microdosing on mushrooms in paradise, as I looked deep inside myself for the answers as to what I wanted to happen next with my life.

My favorite way to indulge, chocolate mushrooms.

It was what my soul needed.

It pointed me in the right direction for the next chapter of my life.

Nights spent outside gazing up into the ether of the universe while subtly tripping on mushrooms, I felt my soul call out to me.

A couple of things that crept into my minds eye were:

“Pen a New York Times Bestseller.”

“Share this medicine with others.”

Perhaps my most profound mushroom moment in Hawaii was while I was on the massage table, receiving energy work and a deep massage, as described in my post for Instagram below.

Well… I’ve reached the pray stage of my eat pray love, journey. This is me, bare. The rawest, most vulnerable I’ve ever felt. After coming back to the Big Island of Hawaii after going to Thailand, I’ve spent this time doing a lot of self discovery like I could never ever have imagined. Ever. To be honest I’ve experimented with psychedelics- mushrooms to be exact, during this last 16 days. Think of it what you will, but I’ve never had more clarity in my life than especially this recent stint of me doing shrooms (yes I’ve done them in the past, and no I have no shame in doing mushrooms in a respectable, responsible non abusive fashion). Honestly, doing shrooms is like my prayer, my church… Helping me to get closer to my source, closer to myself, discovering myself. In this time, I’ve unraveled a lot of shit that was underlying… Understanding who it is that I want in my life, clarity about who I am, what I will accept from other people, the kind of man I want in my life, the kinds of relationships, where I stand with the future of my career… Anyway, this brings me to tonight. To this moment right here right now, that I am typing about, using this space on Facebook as my pseudo diary. I had a calling to book this Airbnb that I am staying at partially because in the listing the host, April, said she provides massages and does spiritual healing. When I arrived, April was an absolute sweetheart… Helped me bring my stuff in and sat me down while she wrote out the local places I needed to check out while in this area of the big island. While sitting there in her presence I felt an unshakable tingle coming from my head, that felt like goosebumps the entire time… It was so weird. We decided on a massage in the evening, so that I could slide into bed to relax afterwards. Right before the massage, I took 1/2 of a chocolate mushroom candy… I knew from past experiences that this dose would be enough to allow me to be fully open and melt into the experience. ????????MORE????????

A post shared by Kelly Hanner (@kelly_hanner) on

For a profound massage with April, contact her on her Facebook here.

[Click through to the Instagram post to read the entire thread, past the “more” section at the end].

Anytime I start to feel the heavy weight and energy of the world around me start to bring me down, I know it’s time to attend church aka sit down for a special moment with my mushroom medicine.

Have you ever used magic mushrooms medicinally? Are you considering it now after reading this?